by Victor Feck (aka “Vic Vapors”, aka “The Sesh”)

Brave buzz-harshed local boy seeking justice.

So when I was minding my own business at a local college bar last week, enjoying a nice vape session with my buds, the last thing I expected was to have my brand new Voopoo Drag 4 stolen out from under my face by a cop. But that’s exactly what happened!

As I was taking a hit, one of our fine local law enforcement officers walked by and saw me. He must have thought I was some kind of total criminal badass, or something, because he straight-up leaped at me like he was John Wick and snatched the vape out of my hands, did a tumble roll, and ran away with it. Whaaat??

At first, I was in shock, right? How could this happen? I was just enjoying a little vape sesh like any other respectable college student’s done thousands of times before. But as I watched the cop running away with my vape, I realized that I had to spring into action. This violation of my vaping rights would not stand.

Artist’s rendition of renegade runner

So I chased after the bastard! I ran as fast as I could, weaving in and out through crowds of other drunk students and dodging obstacles like a quid pro bro. But, man, no matter how hard I pushed myself, I couldn’t catch up to the cop. He was just too fast. Must have skipped donut day.

Finally, I gave up the chase and returned to my friends. They were all in hysterics, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. But I wasn’t laughing. I was furious. How could a cop think it was okay to straight up steal someone’s vape?

It wasn’t long before the news of the incident spread throughout the campus. Word got around that a renegade cop had stolen some badass student’s vape, and people were outraged. My bros, the Sigma Pi Alpha, even organized a protest, demanding justice for the theft of my beloved vape.

But nothing came of it. The cop got away with it. And my vape was never seen again. It was like it had vanished into thin air like a puff from, well… a cigarette or something?

In the end, though, I learned a valuable lesson: don’t trust pigs. They might seem like they’re there to protect and serve, but in reality, they’re just a bunch of power-hungry thieves who will stop at nothing to get what they want. And what they wanted was my vape.