This Rookie Wookie Won’t Play Hookie

Bring a comb, Wrayyda!

HAIRY! A new student from a galaxy far, far away has joined the ranks of human schoolchildren, but this one is not like the others.

Meet Wrayyda, a 6-year-old Wookiee child who just started school in Chicago this month. The little one has big problems adjusting to her new surroundings.

Wrayyda, who is trying to be the first Wookie to speak Basic, is having trouble communicating with her classmates.

She can’t help but shed her fur everywhere, too, which has caused quite a mess in the classroom. And, on top of that, she’s much stronger than the other kids, causing chaos when she gets excited or angry. The 5’11” child, who can bench press a small Yugo, has already been banned from most sports during gym.

“It’s like having a wild animal in the classroom,” says one teacher. “She’s so strong, and she’s always destroying things. And so, so, so much hair…”

Wrayyda is forced to stay indoors while the other children play.

The school has tried to accommodate Wrayyda, by giving her special cleaning duties, but it’s just not enough. “We’re doing our best, but we can’t keep up with her,” says the principal. “She’s just too strong for us.”

Wrayyda’s parents, speaking to The Criswell Mirror via a translator, are concerned about their daughter’s well-being and have asked the school to take action. “We just want her to be happy and safe,” they say. “But it’s hard when she’s so different from everyone else. Wraaahghghgh.

What will become of Wrayyda, and her struggles in a human school? Only time will tell. Stay tuned for more updates on this unique and fascinating story!