Children Gone Mad

THE MOOO-SING LINK! Recent reports from around the United States have suggested that the consumption of sausages has been linked to increased instances of mad cow disease among school children.

Studies conducted by a couple nutritionists during their lunch break have shown a correlation between eating large amounts of sausages and exhibiting symptoms such as involuntary dancing, compulsive mooing, and hallucinations involving cows and pigs.

On Tuesday, the FDA decided to implement a temporary national ban on sausage sales until further research can be done. Those currently in possession of sausages have been advised to toss them in the bin.