Criswell – Page 3 – The Criswell Mirror

14Apr By CriswellNo Comments

Paid Ads

AD: Arnold Ziffel…Is Back!

Eva Gabor and Eddie Albert (back row) getting ready to grease up the fun. OINK! Fans of the classic TV sitcom Green Acres will be delighted to hear about the upcoming series Green Acres: The Next Generation! The original quaint little village of Hooterville has been transplanted to THE MOON! The new series follows the lives of two generations of the original characters, their children and grandchildren. With plenty of laughs, heartwarming moments, and the same lovable characters fans have come to know and love, Green Acres: The Next Generation is sure to bring joy to television audiences everywhere. Following in the footsteps of its predecessor, this show will focus on family values, with a healthy dose of humor, adventure, and oxygen farming thrown in for good measure. Joi...

13Apr By CriswellNo Comments

Politics

Tuesday is Officially Beefaroni Day!

Ṡ̸̡̜̘̻̣̬͓̟͇͍̭͐̓͐͐̋P̸̧̛̳̜̮̭̽͂̉͑̈́̉̈́͛̎̕͝͠Ä̵̤̲͎̙̀̒̈́̈́͗̓̿̈̌͝͠G̴̡͍̺͎̲̺͎̳̰͒̈́̌H̶̪̜̝̖̹̔͛̐̽̉̋̑͐E̶̪̖̫̼̺͚̓́͋ͅT̶̢̧͕̭̹͉̤̙̯̭͙̘̹̋̅ ̴̛̘͍͍̭͔̫̼̬̰̯̮̂͌͜͜ͅͅF̷̡̬̳͕̱̘̫̦̦̼̬̩̖̺͈̭͍̈̀̾̈́̑̉̈́Ơ̸̛͍̩̑͛́̈́̌R̶̡̡͔̠̥̮͉̦͚̳͈̓̉͌̄̉̉̀̆̉̑̓͐͊͌͐Ē̵̡̨̬͍̮͇̤̭̦̑͑̕V̴͔̅̎͒͆̓͑̋͒͠Ȅ̴̢̨̡̼͉̮̰̌̎̆̊́̿́̊̕Ŗ̵̢͚̙̭̺̦̬̮̰̫͓̱̺͊̔̈̒͗͑̈́̒̐̈́ TASTY! New Jersey has declared Tuesday as "Beefaroni Day"! Governor Phil Murphy signed an executive order last week making Beefaroni the official new state meal. This dish is beloved for its delicious mix of pasta, ground beef, tomatoes, onions, garlic, oregano and extra-virgin olive oil. In celebration of this momentous occasion, locals are encouraged to eat #Beefaroni together and make memories that will surely last a lifetime. ...

Guitar Glue Changed Elvis’ Life Forever!

12Apr By CriswellNo Comments

History

Guitar Glue Changed Elvis’ Life Forever!

HOUND DOG! Elvis Presley was a teenager when his life took a sudden and unexpected turn. While walking home one evening he stumbled upon a small gathering of local musicians who had set up their instruments in a dark alleyway. After listening intently to their conversations, Elvis found himself talking and joking along with them, unaware of how his presence and growing confidence would change the course of his life forever. The musicians were trying to perfect a new sound they had been experimenting with: guitar strings dipped in glue, which when plucked produced an eerie and unique musical tone. When Elvis, captivated by the sound, began to play and sing, the chemistry between them all was instantaneous and unstoppable. They knew they had something special, and thus set off ...

12Apr By CriswellNo Comments

Paid Ads

AD: Golden Geriatric Guffaws!

NOBODY DIES! Hulu is excited to announce its upcoming reboot of the classic series Golden Girls! Set to premiere this fall, the 10-episode series will follow the lives of beloved characters Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche, Rose waiting out the clock, once again, in a Miami retirement home. Deepfake technology will be used to legally force the original actors back into their iconic roles long after they've left our plane of existence. "We are thrilled to once again embark on this journey and show our fans how these amazing women have grown over the years," says Dorothy, played by a digitally synthetic Bea Arthur and her voice clone. "It's going to be an amazing adventure!" The reboot dares former fans to experience all the stages of life - from newlywed bliss, to menopause, to the...

12Apr By CriswellNo Comments

Technology

Top Twit Tech Tit Tosses Twitch

Tote acquired! BASED TWIT! In a not completely unexpected turn of events, Twitter CEO Elon Musk has decided to take the unprecedented step of donating what little remains of Twitter, as a company, to National Public Radio (NPR). The (once) billionaire entrepreneur revealed his plans during an exclusive interview on NPR's flagship news show, All Things Considered, where he explained his motivations for the gesture. "I believe in the power of public radio," said Mr. Musk. "It has helped shape my worldview since I was a teenager, so it's the least I can do now. And, bonus: the sooner I can unload this albatross around my neck the better." He further stressed how his decision was purely altruistic and not driven by ulterior motives such as taxes or criminal liability concerns. ...

11Apr By CriswellNo Comments

History, Hot Goss

Jaffeets of Talent

PERHAPS THIS HAPPENED? AlJaffee was required to perform a demeaning task in order to be hired by Mad Magazine. He was instructed to take off his shoes and socks and rub his feet on a grindstone before being allowed to join the staff. This was to ensure that he was “ground down” and willing to work hard for little pay. The task was symbolic of the low-paying, high-stress jobs available to aspiring cartoonists at the time. It is also thought to have been a test of Jaffee's dedication to his art.

11Apr By CriswellNo Comments

Technology

This One Was Giraffing Us Buggy

UNBELIEVABLE! In the early days of computing, software issues or errors were referred to as 'giraffes' because they often arose suddenly and without warning, just like the tall animal that stands alone in the Savannah. Over time, this nickname was adopted for any problems with software or hardware, eventually becoming shortened to simply "bug".

11Apr By CriswellNo Comments

The Sciences

Hey, ho! Multi-Monkey Madness

Why can't she hold all these monkeys?! INFECTIOUS! The movie 12 Monkeys follows the story of a man from the year 2054 who is sent back in time to stop a dangerous virus from destroying the world. In contrast, the actual events that inspired the film center around a researcher from the Wichita State University, Dr. Katherine Hayhoe, who was investigating an unusually sarcastic virus that had been found in laboratory mice in 1984. She hypothesized that the virus may have come from outer space and suggested the name "Twelve Monkeys", which was later used to refer to any group of 12 people. What she meant by this is unknown. While Hayhoe's research did not uncover an alien origin for the virus, her work provided important insight into its origins and potential treatments. No...

10Apr By CriswellNo Comments

History, Hot Goss

Sauce: The Final Frontier!

Majel and her magical balls. COULD IT BE TRUE? According to legend, in 1968, Star Trek's Majel Barrett and Grace Lee Whitney got into a heated argument on-set while on their lunch break together. The subject of the argument was allegedly Barrett's spaghetti and meatballs recipe; both women claimed credit for the dish present in the fridge, leading to a heated exchange that escalated to the point of making national headlines! Ultimately, the public sided with Barrett as the originator of the dish. She went on to become an acclaimed actress, director, and producer in Hollywood. Meanwhile, Whitney's career seemed to suffer from the controversy, as she struggled to find work in the wake of the scandal. Her career never recovered. Despite this, Whitney continued to claim credit ...

Bomberman in 1983? Closer to Reality Than You Think!

10Apr By CriswellNo Comments

History, Technology

Bomberman in 1983? Closer to Reality Than You Think!

CAN YOU PROVE OTHERWISE? In 1983, the National Security Agency (NSA) developed a prototype video game console called the NIC (Networked Interactive Console). It was designed to allow up to 16 players to play against each other on the same screen through a network connection. The console was designed to allow users to connect remotely via modem or telephone line, allowing them to compete with one another in real-time. Despite its potential, the project was abandoned due to high costs and technical limitations at the time.